Special Edition of MTV Cribs

Welcome to a special edition of MTV Cribs!

"A big warm welcome to all my Peeps out there! Welcome to my home. I have been hobo-ing it around our house for the first four months of my life and it has been anything but private. My big sis likes to whip me around in the baby swing as if I was shot out of butt-boomerang...or so my dad says. So you can imagine my excitement when three big boxes showed up on our porch and my mom said, "I think your crib from Grampa and Grannie have arrived." After dad took the crib out of the boxes and assembled it late Monday night, words could not express how impressed I was, so check out this impromptu reactions when I laid my meatie eyes upon this beaut of a Crib!"

"This crib is pimped to the Max! Thank you so much Granpa and Grannie!"

"Oh yeah, special hand crafted-insert-bevel thing-a-ma-boppies!"

"Thanks Grampa and Grannie, I am sure I will get a life time of enjoyment from it; from the next few years as well as those special years down the road when I can place your great grandchildren to sleep."

Fantasy Football Nemesis

I pride myself on knowing all the tricks in Fantasy Football and possibly being the greatest Fantasy Football player this side of the Mississippi. Having won the All-Star League, the Adrian League and a multiple of prestigious ESPN Leagues, I had few challengers. In truth, I humbly acknowledge that I have no equal. So it was with great intrigue during the summer of 2003 in which my youngest sister informed me that her fiancée Adam also liked Fantasy Football. It was that fall in 2003 that we shared our one and only Fantasy Football League, the Coast to Coast League. We only met once head-to-head and victory was surely mine as I led by 80 points going into the Monday night game. My lead was so large; I didn't even feel a need to watch the Monday night game in which Adam had Brett Favre and Javon Walker. Yes, it was THAT game on December 22, 2003 in which most fans expected Brett Favre not to play after the passing of his father a few hours earlier. What happened that night can only be explained as unexplainable as Adam miraculously made up 80 points and slimed his way to victory.

Ever since that one game, Adam and I gather in Chesapeake Beach to have our top-secret pow-wow and combine our immense fantasy football knowledge. And every year I hope to gain a little more insight into the evil workings my sinister Brother-in-Law Adam has conjured up and how he devilishly always seems to get all the lucky breaks. Well this year, I incorporated a little magic of my own, more pointedly the magical potion we often find in the liquor stores with the label “Corona Light".

It didn't take long for my 'Corona Light spirits' to loosen up my brother-in-law's tongue and open up with his deepest and most evil fantasy football secret of all!

"Josh, let me tell you a little secret I have [hiccup-hiccup]. Fantasy Football is not about projecting statistics and picking the right [hiccup] players. In fact, Fantasy Football has nothing to do with football at all", Adam disclosed. I was a bit miffed, but intrigued as I recalled the historic black-cloud of THAT miraculous game with Brett Favre on December 22, 2003. I eagerly waited for what he was going to tell me next.

Adam slowly removed a cauldron, some small pieces of wood and a lighter. A cauldron? What type of person carries a cauldron with him? He lit a fire beneath the cauldron and began pouring water into its smoldering depths. As mysterious as this was, it was not nearly as mysterious as the weathered leather pouch he pulled out next. He emptied the contents of the leather pouch into the simmering cauldron and there was a gentle 'poof' of smoke....

"Black Magic, Josh...Black Magic..." Adam hissed in between hiccups, "...and with that said, my final piece of Fantasy Football advice to you this year is to stay away from Tom Brady, something tells me he may [hiccup-hiccup, belch] get hurt early." With that, Adam gave me a wink and smile.

Notice my devilish sister's smile at the potential fantasy football bounty she expects her husband to bring in this year.